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It's been almost a month...    
12:24pm 16/05/2017

i have only seen kendall once in the past month. this doesnt feel good at all. she dosnt update her schedual.... i dont hear from her AT ALL. i messsged her to ask if she was doing ok, and i was told i have blatant disreguard for he feelings. and thats how ive always been. someone who says that..... isnt coming back..... my heart solidifies more and more each day this goes on. sooner or later.... it will be stone. and i just wont care anymore. =/


|Look into the telescope*

This has been reoccurring.....    
10:26am 09/05/2017

To see or dream that you are a zombie suggests that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are feeling out of touch. Alternatively, a zombie means that you are feeling dead inside. You are just going through the motions of daily living.

I think because of what's happening with Kendall.... I really am feeling dead and emotionless.... Sigh...

It's only been 4 days..... Seems like forever when you would talk to that person everyday....

|Look into the telescope*

I have serious problems.... And    
12:37am 04/02/2017
mood: depressed
I'm trying my best to figure out how to deal with them. You're so angry. And so mad.... It's borderline an evil state. So i'll continue to post here.... And try and not talk to you. I feel so defeated.... And just..... Not even cared for. You say you need to give it an honest thought...... I don't know what could possibly be enough to have you stay.....

For the record.... I don't want to have to ESPN you to stay. I'd take a bullet for you. Literally..... And I don't know if that'll be enough.

Putting my life on the line.....

I know you have wants and needs... I'm trying. But if i keep. Missing the mark.... Why do you need to even THINK about STAYING.... You should know.... =( I'll always love you. Let's hope you have love in your heart too.... For me.

|Look into the telescope*

The worst week ever   
12:14am 04/02/2017
  You think brittany was my Krytponite..... But it's really been you. Since before I met her. You have made an impact on me for over 10 years.... I love you =(  

|Look into the telescope*

The end? Or a new beginning?    
08:43am 01/02/2017
  Well..... It's a really questionable time for you and I.... It's been over a year. And for some reason you seemed to be closer to me while I was jobless and sleeping on a couch with no car.... Than me having a car, my own place, and a job I love.

I have no idea what's going to happen. All I know is that it's literally in your hands. You say I should step back and take a look at what I want out of life and where I'm at in it. But I already know. So lets see what you come up with for you.

Works got you busy lately. And no matter how I try to communicate with you.... It doesn't get any response. We did however talk this morning for a bit. It seemed super forced and uncomfortable.

I guess I'm going to step back again.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. (or will you be less stressed that I'm not in it.)

I hope for a more real reason, we work out. Talk to you when you're ready Kendall. Xoxo

|Look into the telescope*

Well..... This sucks...    
12:13am 19/11/2016
mood: depressed
This year has been super crazy. I mean I never thought that when you showed up at Epcot we would have been through all that we've been through so far. I didn't think I'd end up falling in love with you as much as I have. And it's difficult because you tell me you weren't ready for somebody to come into your life and yet here I am and here we are. I'm not sure what's going on or how come through everything we've been through some things just haven't progressed. I just hope that through everything we can come out on top of this. A large part of me wants to be able to go back and change my actions but unfortunately what's done is done all I can do is to try and figure out how to make things right from my end. And I hope that through this situation it will help push the relationship into a better Direction and more open communication will happen. I know you say you feel like you can't talk to me and I feel like I'm always asking you to talk to me. It's tough because there's some things that are just preventing us from whatever I mean I'm not even sure but we do have something here and I hope that over the next few days or week or however long you need to take you to realize that. I don't understand how to give you space but I'm going to try my best. You're worth it. all of it. I love you...... ='(

|Look into the telescope*

Yay.... You're on another trip! =/   
09:05pm 08/11/2016
  Just kidding I absolutely hate that you're on another trip but it is part of your bucket list and hopefully this one will actually go by fast, as planned and you'll be able to finish the races and you'll be one step closer to finishing that bucket list. It just sucks because I came to pick you up at your house before you left and you met me at the fucking Clubhouse. That sucked because I actually thought that you were going to have me come to your door and help you carry things down or do something that would involve being close to the next step of our relationship. Sorry our dating life style. It wasn't though.... But hopefully when you come home things will be different. If not, who knows... Side note? Bought my. Mini today.  

|Look into the telescope*

I've been hinting for weeks....    
03:20am 08/05/2016

i get that we all have our... list.... or people we would run away with.... but this harry thing is kind of rubbjng me the wrong way. i know youre busy with work.... but youre literally a high school girl right now. i feel like you dont even care that im the real option. yea sure.... you have a 1/billion chance. but i have not felt anything from you lately. on top of that ... i move at the end of the month. and you still arnt letting me come over. i feel like this is not going well lately. im trying to be postiive.... but im loosing the battle.

on top of all this! this month is the one where brittany left me!  im feeling very broken.... and the fact that you keep swooning over harry.... and not picking up on my hints.... "i would never go with my list. no matter what. i know you. who knows if what they (the list) would bring to the table, would it be real."

and you keep saying you go. i dont know.... its probably a mix a bunch of things..... oh well..... finishing my drink.... i work soon.


|Look into the telescope*

Earl of sandwich and medals!    
08:13pm 17/04/2016
  Kendall just finished her star wars marathon weekend! I was there for most of it! At least at the finish line every time (= things will work out this time. I have hope..... They will. =)  

|Look into the telescope*

02:22am 07/01/2016

I have met so many girls in my life....  I won't name names. We know who they are. Yet every time I met someone.....  I say that I'm in love....  And she might be the one.

I have to say this time though..,......

I met someone ten... years... ago........  10! I only worked with her for a short time but in that short time, but she definitely made an impact on me.

An impact that would follow me for years to come.

Many times throughout my life she would pass through my thoughts... "where is she now?"  "where does she work?" "I wonder if we will ever talk again"

I reached out to her on Facebook on Dec 18th.....

It's been the best 3 weeks of my life. I can't wait to see where this goes from here...... I am so happy to have you in my life. Xoxo.


|Look into the telescope*

I hope..... So badly    
03:48pm 17/12/2015

I've been home for 4 days you did the convention for two of them and then you worked two of them so I know you've been pretty busy but you also told me that you didn't want to see me anymore but then you send me snaps and no more kisses and it's just confusing. I'm hoping you just stop by one of these days and surprise me but I'm not sure that's going to even happen. I do have a gift for you though so maybe .... I'm hoping when you see me you're going to fall in love with me again but that's just a hopeless romantic side of me


|Look into the telescope*

I came home from the ship   
05:28pm 16/12/2015

for you.... and you tell me "it flipped your switch" makes me feel like shit.... i love you. and miss you every day.


|Look into the telescope*

06:21pm 10/08/2015

didnt see that coming...... i get it.


|Look into the telescope*

07:06pm 20/03/2015

im so sunburnt..... my arms hurt real bad.... carry a camera as much as i do..... and it catches up with you. =/


|Look into the telescope*

Just working....    
01:01am 29/10/2014

Seems like life is about to come to a strange halt after the new year (work wise) im part time disney dpi and I'm about to be capped. But hey! The bright side is my cars almost paid off and I was approved for a credit card! =) still with Courtney and that's going much better then the previous year. She wants to get married and I have no idea if that's anything i'll ever want. I'm in no rush for it though. =/ speaking of which....  November 2nd is right around the corner.....  What a weird day for me.... 


|Look into the telescope*

s5 and other news   
10:44am 23/04/2014

So Courtney and I are doing well. Still together :-D that's a good thing. I don't know where I would be without her. She's litterally saved my ass. :-\  we have our outbursts every so often. And they are more and more mold each time. So I can't complain about that. I start back at disney this week. Been unemployed for almost a month. Wtf! I seriously hate Splitsville. They will never make it. Oh! And I also have a job fair for universal on the 25th! With Adam! He just got a job at target cause you know...  He moved down two months ago and still hasn't had a job. Lol its OK though. I think we are getting him there. On a side note....  Ugh to all the FaceTime he and tiffany are doing. It's really annoying and childish. I mean he asked me how long till u propose to someone and I said....  Woah! Live with her first. Let her finish school. I mean don't rush it. She's so young! Ugh! Anywho. Just an update about life. I'll see ya round lj.    - me


|Look into the telescope*

08:55am 04/01/2014

Seems like 2014 is going to be a great year for me! Things are going well so far! :-D


|Look into the telescope*

10:40pm 16/03/2013

life couldn't be better :)


|Look into the telescope*

09:31am 08/02/2013

wow... what the fuck.... your dad called me twice.... does he actually think I'm going to call him back? o.o then you have Anthony friend requesting courtney? come on!?!?! get real! what the hell is going on .. we will see what else is going to happen.... :/


|Look into the telescope*

01:36pm 30/01/2013

your dad called me.... made me realize how much I don't miss you....


|Look into the telescope*